Smoking

I have a confession.....I love smoking. I have smoked for over 40 years. I have been hypnotized, patched,medicated, cold turkeyed, aversion therapied, and still I smoke. I know, I know, smoking kills, it is expensive, it is a filthy habit, I am ostracized, stinky, old before my time, and a bad person. I have decided to try one more time, and I do hope attempt 42 is the magic number. Once I quit for 2 years, and once for a year. Sadly, I started again and am still puffing my life away. Smoking calms me, keeps my hands busy, and keeps me from stuffing my face at every opportunity. I know I am a weak person when it comes to food and smoking. No lectures. Even my doctor has given up trying to convince me to stop. I worry about gaining weight. I worry that I will start fidgeting, and pull out my already thinning hair. I worry I will start biting my nails, or beating my dog. I am a huge BITCH when I stop smoking. I rant, I rave, I weep, I am hateful, and I carry on. I don't understand the reasons, but I do know it. It doesn't help to know it. Wish me luck......I will need it.

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